Excess in Everything

Its been a few weeks now as an atheist. It is not getting easier. Its not that I am concerned what anybody thinks. Of course not, if we just exist, then if we are self-seeking publicists, slut cows, or god swilling fat o'the land pigs, it dont matter none. No, its the loneliness of this existence thats killing me. Why I am surprised surprises me. God or non (not anti - NOTE)-god the reaction from society is much the same. Its a drawn out yawn. Everybody is into swinging sex, football, drugs or booze. Politics gets mentioned but it is just an extension of celebrity worship. I think these buggers can teach me something about existence. I should, as toulouse latrec suggested, get steamed in excess. Whatever turns you on. More. More. Even more. Then die.

This land is my land

It's lore in my family that once we were the owners of huge amounts of land. if you go back in time about 100 generations we all came from the same stock, some say around india, others central africa (or was that earlier?). well, about 40 generations ago (not long is it?) as the ice age receded back north, my lot drifted back up from sunning themselves in the south of france. out of a need for freedom, and space, we crossed over the land near folkestone, and strolled north. we liked it near a great river, and were too lazy to go round or cross, so we pulled together some reeds and built a makeshift camp at that spot. bout where the elephant is now. was ok. salmon n trout every day. we'd catch some small ponies n go riding. sometimes we'd pull up our sticks and go north, once going as far as scotia, but we were beaten back by midgies. we went to the west, but got tired going up mountains and being rained upon. apart from dreadful bears, wolves an beasties there was nobody. so getting back to the elephant, my ancestor declared this land ours. he promptly pulled off the undergarment of the tartlet that had come along for the ride, stuck it on a stick. things were great for several generations. as a race my family might be overtly lazy, but they aint stupid. they made fires and ate roast pig n dedgehog. one day, as the sun was rising, a huge shadow was cast upon my crew. it came from the south and it was a crowd of foreigners. god, they was ugly. they said, (if we understood em correctly as they were not accomplished in language skills at all, i am not saying they were thick but....)...they said 'what are you lot doing on our land'. one of my lot fell out of his hammock. 'we've been 'ere generations' my lot exclaimed, loudly and in unison. ' no matter' said the ugliest one. THEN they set about my lot giving 'em a right pasting. it is true that for all time my gene has been a bit soft and pretty, but it is not like we asked for trouble. our leader had banned all forms of violence and bad use of language more than 20 years earlier. many have said that it was actually illegal to be ugly, indeed none of my lot were. we fled for fear of losing more than our looks. upto the fens, where we hid for a long long time. we only felt safe about a hundred years ago, and then we went back to the elephant, expecting to find our ancestral pile of reeds. alas. things had moved on. millions of ugly looking people had built all sorts of things over all our country.
you never get over this sort of loss. the american indians, the indian indians, the south american indians, the australian indians all feel the same. and everybody is symphathetic, even giving them loadsa money and land. the indian indians got a whole country. my lot are staking a claim. we want our land back. it was stolen from us by violence and uglyness. both were illegal under our laws. i think you will understand where i'm coming from. this land is my land

life is but a joke

my real world blog fell way short of the mark. since then richard dawkins has been discussed extensively in the times. so i read about him on google. usual oxford type... silver spoon.... private education...a second class degree (!!!) but he didn't let that stop him going straight to berkeley and collecting £200....and hanging around oxford waiting for an opportunity....although i have to admit that meme stuff was interesting, important and at first sight quite valid.... but if i was an atheist all those years.. and born rich... i think i'd have done more dope... had more sex.... and walked through orange groves....and thats the point really...i think people should live their beliefs...not sell them..he put himself in the philosophy arena...and philosophy without commitment can only be words.... sure he's famous....but its as much a joke as anything else...if it is all just an accident of particulate collision and alignment....and knowing that.... mr dawkins surely has to justify his efforts...why want more possessions than to peacefully live the life?....why want fame if no individual actually matters?....if all lives do not matter.....the atheist evolutionist conclusion must be that we do just exist and thats the beginning and end of it all....so why do these very clever people carry on seeking...knowing this?...i think it is a highly refined overdeveloped form of instinct...that competitive streak seen in wild animals..intellectualized....purified but no different to the stuff i see down the pub on saturday nights....simply to impress....subconsciously to impress....to get more food or more shags...or better ones....just like the more primitive humans...more primitive than the ones that do not compete....more primitive than the failures...the ones who knew that single minded determination now was wasteful of the life given...the ones that stay married to the one woman...that had little or no ego...the meek.....bob dylan was nearly right...the losers might be the winners...and the winners might be the losers...but none of this is true....because life is but a joke....and then the joke is on us...because we let the sods get away without living the conclusions of their philosophy...and we let them be humanists as well....and that keeps all the rules and walls around their comfortable existances...humanism is simply a middle-class out...an intellectualized way of escaping the truth they know...no rules can be justified simply on the efficiency or survival of the species...when that survival is meaningless in the infinity of time and space (that dawkins tells us of)....its like when christians discovered societies that had lived quite happily without god for tens of thousands of years...suddenly they had to be converted...was it so they didnt make minister-soup out of them...or continue to fight for their lands ...of course it was...a bloody great con over the primitive societies...and dawkins ...by not living his philosophy is doing the same here.....and on that note i must go out and buy his new book...

Real World

I recently read some compelling arguments that morals were good for evolution and the development to where we are now. and? so? if we were ants and a bloody great foot came down on us, wiping us all out. so what? see, thats the thing about not having a god and its depressed me all week. the value of life is in its relationship to the past and future. ultimately, without a god, that relationship has a beginning and an end. when the dinosaurs were here and then they were not, no one shed a tear. it mattered not. welcome to the real world.