Excess in Everything

Its been a few weeks now as an atheist. It is not getting easier. Its not that I am concerned what anybody thinks. Of course not, if we just exist, then if we are self-seeking publicists, slut cows, or god swilling fat o'the land pigs, it dont matter none. No, its the loneliness of this existence thats killing me. Why I am surprised surprises me. God or non (not anti - NOTE)-god the reaction from society is much the same. Its a drawn out yawn. Everybody is into swinging sex, football, drugs or booze. Politics gets mentioned but it is just an extension of celebrity worship. I think these buggers can teach me something about existence. I should, as toulouse latrec suggested, get steamed in excess. Whatever turns you on. More. More. Even more. Then die.

This land is my land

It's lore in my family that once we were the owners of huge amounts of land. if you go back in time about 100 generations we all came from the same stock, some say around india, others central africa (or was that earlier?). well, about 40 generations ago (not long is it?) as the ice age receded back north, my lot drifted back up from sunning themselves in the south of france. out of a need for freedom, and space, we crossed over the land near folkestone, and strolled north. we liked it near a great river, and were too lazy to go round or cross, so we pulled together some reeds and built a makeshift camp at that spot. bout where the elephant is now. was ok. salmon n trout every day. we'd catch some small ponies n go riding. sometimes we'd pull up our sticks and go north, once going as far as scotia, but we were beaten back by midgies. we went to the west, but got tired going up mountains and being rained upon. apart from dreadful bears, wolves an beasties there was nobody. so getting back to the elephant, my ancestor declared this land ours. he promptly pulled off the undergarment of the tartlet that had come along for the ride, stuck it on a stick. things were great for several generations. as a race my family might be overtly lazy, but they aint stupid. they made fires and ate roast pig n dedgehog. one day, as the sun was rising, a huge shadow was cast upon my crew. it came from the south and it was a crowd of foreigners. god, they was ugly. they said, (if we understood em correctly as they were not accomplished in language skills at all, i am not saying they were thick but....)...they said 'what are you lot doing on our land'. one of my lot fell out of his hammock. 'we've been 'ere generations' my lot exclaimed, loudly and in unison. ' no matter' said the ugliest one. THEN they set about my lot giving 'em a right pasting. it is true that for all time my gene has been a bit soft and pretty, but it is not like we asked for trouble. our leader had banned all forms of violence and bad use of language more than 20 years earlier. many have said that it was actually illegal to be ugly, indeed none of my lot were. we fled for fear of losing more than our looks. upto the fens, where we hid for a long long time. we only felt safe about a hundred years ago, and then we went back to the elephant, expecting to find our ancestral pile of reeds. alas. things had moved on. millions of ugly looking people had built all sorts of things over all our country.
you never get over this sort of loss. the american indians, the indian indians, the south american indians, the australian indians all feel the same. and everybody is symphathetic, even giving them loadsa money and land. the indian indians got a whole country. my lot are staking a claim. we want our land back. it was stolen from us by violence and uglyness. both were illegal under our laws. i think you will understand where i'm coming from. this land is my land

life is but a joke

my real world blog fell way short of the mark. since then richard dawkins has been discussed extensively in the times. so i read about him on google. usual oxford type... silver spoon.... private education...a second class degree (!!!) but he didn't let that stop him going straight to berkeley and collecting £200....and hanging around oxford waiting for an opportunity....although i have to admit that meme stuff was interesting, important and at first sight quite valid.... but if i was an atheist all those years.. and born rich... i think i'd have done more dope... had more sex.... and walked through orange groves....and thats the point really...i think people should live their beliefs...not sell them..he put himself in the philosophy arena...and philosophy without commitment can only be words.... sure he's famous....but its as much a joke as anything else...if it is all just an accident of particulate collision and alignment....and knowing that.... mr dawkins surely has to justify his efforts...why want more possessions than to peacefully live the life?....why want fame if no individual actually matters?....if all lives do not matter.....the atheist evolutionist conclusion must be that we do just exist and thats the beginning and end of it all....so why do these very clever people carry on seeking...knowing this?...i think it is a highly refined overdeveloped form of instinct...that competitive streak seen in wild animals..intellectualized....purified but no different to the stuff i see down the pub on saturday nights....simply to impress....subconsciously to impress....to get more food or more shags...or better ones....just like the more primitive humans...more primitive than the ones that do not compete....more primitive than the failures...the ones who knew that single minded determination now was wasteful of the life given...the ones that stay married to the one woman...that had little or no ego...the meek.....bob dylan was nearly right...the losers might be the winners...and the winners might be the losers...but none of this is true....because life is but a joke....and then the joke is on us...because we let the sods get away without living the conclusions of their philosophy...and we let them be humanists as well....and that keeps all the rules and walls around their comfortable existances...humanism is simply a middle-class out...an intellectualized way of escaping the truth they know...no rules can be justified simply on the efficiency or survival of the species...when that survival is meaningless in the infinity of time and space (that dawkins tells us of)....its like when christians discovered societies that had lived quite happily without god for tens of thousands of years...suddenly they had to be converted...was it so they didnt make minister-soup out of them...or continue to fight for their lands ...of course it was...a bloody great con over the primitive societies...and dawkins ...by not living his philosophy is doing the same here.....and on that note i must go out and buy his new book...

Real World

I recently read some compelling arguments that morals were good for evolution and the development to where we are now. and? so? if we were ants and a bloody great foot came down on us, wiping us all out. so what? see, thats the thing about not having a god and its depressed me all week. the value of life is in its relationship to the past and future. ultimately, without a god, that relationship has a beginning and an end. when the dinosaurs were here and then they were not, no one shed a tear. it mattered not. welcome to the real world.

Just Unlucky

HA! I thought I'd reduce my ignorance so I read some Richard Dawkins. His view is 1) luck led to a replicable dna 2) evolution did the rest. I have to argue. Whatever, however, it is just as unlucky as lucky for this charade to have started. here we all are replicating as much as possible. The dna replication is the reason - its the instinct - its the all. GREAT! I am a success! 7 Kids (plus one) I am a success. Never mind I used an ugly rotund woman-animal to breed with, in universe terms it counts as a major success, perhaps even outscoring those who breed with a Jolie type. My mate was built to last. Very solid - east german type tank - built ugly but forever - person. Coupled with my fancy dan effeminate genes its a recipe for everlasting life. God help the Elton Johns with their wasted genes. Ooops...no god...no help for them! I am off to count my non-blessings

Want It All

I'm as much an expert as an average Sun reader. It seems atheists want no god but they do want a code of behaviour. A humanitarian-based-on-benefit-of species code. How lovely! It reminds me of the double-think christians have got away with for centuries. They want to be rich and do charitable works. For gods sake it quite clearly says in the bible that its harder for a camel to get into heaven than rich man to get through the eye of needle. So it is with the atheists. If you aint got no god, you aint got no code. Its anarchy. Hey ...bring it on. Anarchy is cool. Like revolution. cant be any less galling than at present. atheists, christians - they're like the tories and labour. it dont matter - they both want to maintain the status quo. The atheists still argue for a pretty, considerate, nicey-pie society, the christians want a token sacrifice, but hey, if 2/3rds of the world are in poverty or living in hell, thats ok, let them eat cake, pass round the charity bowl, as long as we don't have them living next door. The shifts are so great that neither are really true to the logic of their positions. You probably fit more closely into the Agnostic or Loosely associated Christian thing that most people do nowadays. Bloody cop-out! Thats someone that WANTS IT ALL! In fact this massive group of people have been allowed to settle into this comfort zone by the lost grip of the church, the sixties backlash against authority, and the absence of any coherent philosophy presented elsewhere. I blame the existentialists of 50's france for the mess in the west. society needs to clear this god thing up once and for all. everybody is getting away with living a modified hedonistic life with a few good deeds thrown at the end (king john tried that too) - that dont cut no ice at the bottom of the worlds wood pile - they need to know - should they rise up and dispossess the rich spoilt brats, barbarically cutting them up, gang raping the children and wives and husbands, or shuffle away quietly, to take solace in poverty - knowing they will inherit in the next life?

Talent

I have been looking at some blogs....a german girl....seemstress...sort of punky goth...very very cool...and a french politico...and a bolivian photographer....all absolutely brilliant...
I am so glad I have no talent!
It is obviously so distracting.
It has to be fulfilled.
Its a long narrow road closing on that distant point of destiny.